7 Months !

As I sit here before I go to work, my mind is racing about so many different things right now I can't separate the thoughts. On the one hand, I feel a lot better since I finally got to talk to Chelsea last night about our little situation we were having here, and while that one talk might not have made everything work perfectly... It sure helped make me feel better about it.
On the other hand however, what I did so that our conversation was even possible last night was very hard for me to swallow after the fact. I was in a wierd state of mind the whole time we were all at Easton last night and I just didn't really know how to act since Chelsea was there. It just felt strange in many different ways, first being, I had to just hold hands with Meghan rather than put my arm around her in the movie since Chelsea was next to us. Probably doesn't seem like a big deal to most and it probably won't be in the long run, but I'm a very cuddle-happy person and having my arm around Meghan at the movies is just one of those things I like to do to feel close.
Anyways, after the movie we were leaving the theatre, and Meghan and Chelsea just stopped at one point and the rest of us kept walking... why did that happen? I thought they were just talking for a minute and were going to catch up later.... and so did everyone else it seems cause we all kept walking. Turns out, there car was on the other side of the theatre and they were trying to get our attention to tell us so. No one, heard them say anything (I know I didn't) or we would've stopped. Then as I was leaving I felt horrible because I didn't say by to Meghan but at the time I thought Chelsea was just back there talking to her. So it turned out to be one of those things where you wish you could do it over again you know? Why be childish and walk away from them when even if they were talking it wouldn't have mattered if I interrupted them. Why do I do these things sometimes? That put Meghan in a wierd place (it being 7 months for us on this day) and that is something I never want to do.
That put Meghan into her "I'm not ok but I will lie right to your face and pretend I'm ok faze" and that's never good because it's obvious that something isn't right and this time I knew it was my fault and I can't do a thing about it. So then as I'm leaving she does a horrible job of showing any sign of "I love you emotion" and that makes me feel like complete sh1t because I know I messed up... (not a huge mess up since I explained myself when I got to her house) but she just gets that way. So then I have to drive home knowing that she isn't ok but yet she lies to me and says it's ok rather than just telling me what's wrong. It's so hard for me to do that because I like being open with her and yet she shuts me out in those situations.
Even worse yet, I am fine the whole time I'm at her house, you know, nothing is wrong on my end. So I'm still in my "Meghan I love you so much I just want a hug and some kisses" mode.. and she wants nothing to do it. She just puts her arms around me like I'm holding her up or something and that's it.. no emotion in the hug... just blah.... I don't know... I just wish she wouldn't get in those moods. They never last... it's just 12 hours or less of uncomfortable feelings.. then boom.. she's perfect again.... *sigh*

Now that that's out of the way..... on with the good stuff!
Today is 7 months for Meghan and I!!!! HOORAY for us. Man, every day I wake up, happier, more alive, and more in love with her than the day before. It's strange the way I feel about her, I wonder if it's normal for a 19 year old guy to be THIS MUCH IN LOVE ALREADY? I think it's perfectly fine, and the best part?? I know she knows it too. That is what is making this so great... I know she has those same crazy feelings inside of her for me that I do for her. That is why, in my heart I know, that some day I will love her more than I do now.. and we will be even happier together than we are now (seems strange to think thats possible) but it is. One day I won't be saying happy 7 months anymore... some day... it will be Happy 7 Years! That feeling inside is just too great for words. I know this is going to last and so does she, that's what makes every day of our lives together thus far so great. We care about eachother so much and I know all I want is for her to be happy every day of her life and I know that's what she wants for me to. That is why I try so hard to please her the ways that I do, and some people call me crazy for the things that I do for her, and that's fine... maybe I am.... maybe I am...."Crazy In Love!"


HAPPY 7 MONTHS MEGHAN I LOVE YOU SOOOOOOOO SO MUCH!!!! You don't even know how much I love you because it can't be described right now... but some day... on a beach of our choice.. you will know just what I mean when we say "I do." :-*